Saturday, April 3, 2010

Tony Romo Sings GnR

The title is a statement of fact.

So last night I went to the House of Blues. I am not going to put a link to the House of Blues because the place is overpriced bourgoise cesspool and I had every intention of hating it.

Of course I have to hate the House of Blues. I can't afford to make it my daily hangout like ultra celebrities like Tony Romo. I can barely afford the parking, which right next door is $10. What kind of douchebag pays $10 for parking? Caveat emptor.

Ok, ok, ok... I am getting ahead of myself.

Don Enrique Recuero, your beloved author, is a post-punk gothic prince of the underground. I have sang in indy bands, I am a punk rock d.i.y. anarchist who believes that rock and roll is cultural resistance to the pig. I have the highest imaginable standards and credentials as a graduate of punk rock academy.

Do not question my authority! I am hipstertron 5000!

I do not go to the House of Blues! At least that was the plan.

Of course I have an old friend who bar tends at the House of Blues. Of course I love this old friend, and his band The Dead See.

Of course I have another friend who works there, though he shares my mediocre profession which has long hours and decent pay. Why would someone earning a middle class income keep a side job at a bar?

According to my pal, because its fucking awesome!

What nonsense!

But this friend gives me free tickets.

My wife moved to DFW recently. I scammed her with promises of fame and riches and she came and now lives in utter boredom with me.

She begins to sharpen knives when we don't go out very often, and burn pictures of me by the printer. She runs runs the pictures from her computer, and burns them. She puts the ashes in the toilet. All in all, staying home all the time is not an option.

So we went out to the House of Blues.

As I mentioned above, I narrowly escaped the $10 parking. I went down like 20 ft and paid about $1 to park at a meter. And discovered that I still have some skills as a parallel parker! Fuck yeah!

The view by the House of Blues is beautiful.

It just is. Ever since I have traveled to both New York and Los Angeles, I have decided that Dallas has all the big city cred anyone could ever want.

The sky scrapers stand like great corporate erections lighting up the night sky.

Its nice. And the corporate douchebags who run this town, go buy their $10 drinks at the House of Blues, no doubt.
But there are so many people in the House of Blues that it would just be bad statistics to pigeon hole all of them. And the place does employ two of my friends.

When we went down to the basement we saw the band Steel Panther playing to a beautiful audience of metal heads.

The band demanded that some listeners show their tits.

At least two great looking girls went on stage and bore their breast like kind, insecure mothers, preparing to suckle the metal horde.

My wife believes these two beauties were plants on the payroll of the band. Perhaps, but investigating a conspiracy can be a lot of work.

When the breast came out, the iPhones all went up and began recording.

If they were normal audience members I hope they don't have real jobs, less their bare breasts are summoned by google searches by curious employers.

After the tits we got Tony Romo: quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. He caused less iPhones to rise above the crowd than the titties did. But thats life.

Here is the video.

All in all the House of Blues, despite its commercialist offenses to my post punk priesthood, was a positive Metroplexian experience.

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